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I am Isaac J.
Welcome to my adventure.

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Marie Jelly
Masqueradechics Photogallery

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March 2009 April 2009 August 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010

Rebuilding Faith
Thursday, March 26, 2009 4:03 AM

I've agreed to go back to church with Marie because I felt that I had to. I need guidance. Maybe all this time I've been lost in life is because I didn't have God leading me somewhere. I used to be so devoted to God, and I prayed to Him almost every day.

Most people don't understand why I gave up on my faith. You may think it's stupid, you may think it's a horrible reason, but it affected me severely. Marie, you might not even have known this yourself; but it was because of you.

That period of time where our friendship was still unstable and I was crazy about you, every day I prayed to God that you'd like me and understand where I'm coming from and why I loved you so much but couldn't bring myself to tell you. I could only show you through my actions and always being there for you. I admit I was sort of a hopeless romantic. I guess I still am. The thing is - I prayed every day but every day my prayers seemed to pull me further and further away from you until you ended up with Eugene. That was around the same time the O Level results came out - which I had prayed for as well - and I failed my Math even though I did pretty well for everything else. I was appalled when I found out that I had to enroll in an ITE because I couldn't go anywhere without Math.

My prayers were on a failing cycle and my life was spiralling further and further down. Just when I thought things would never pick up..

Things did.

But without God's help.

I got into RP without praying, I took up photography with great success and got a girlfriend. All of which was without God's help.

After looking back on all of this, I really cannot deem if my life is getting better or worse because of God. It's hard to decipher.

However, I'm grateful that God brought Marie back to me as a best friend. I love her so much for always being there for me when I'm down and out. She's been a sturdy pillar of strength and support for me. A guardian angel of sorts.

I think it's time for me to go back to church. I need help. I need guidance.

I need strength.

After indefinitely losing my girlfriend, I've been left weaker and more vulnerable than ever. I need help.

I need guidance.